Okay, on the old site I had lots of jokes, well this time I intend to keep it more up to date. Every week a new edition of fRIDAY aGAIN can be found here. fRIDAY aGAIN has been made from some of the better and cleaner material found floating towards mail boxes at work and private.

Before I start to hear people grumble and spit I better just say that all the jokes here today are provided by a friends, I don't come up with these jokes.

Ash how do you stay out of the nut house ?

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It is the time of French Revolution and the guillotine was hard at work everyday. Today they're leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine.

They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. The authorities take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

Next the drunkard comes to the guillotine. He also decides to die face up hoping that he will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. So they release the drunkard as well.

The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They slowly raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer says, "Hey, I see what your problem is."

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Ways to tell your pilot is a temp

- He's wearing a brown uniform with "UPS" over the breast pocket.

- He keeps pacing up and down the aisle muttering, "So many gauges, so little time."

- You're halfway to your destination and he's still taxiing.

- Announces on the intercom that "We're now passing over the Grand Canyon or the Panama Canal."

- During the descent, you're advised to remain in your seat until the FAA investigators arrive.
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A guy goes into a bar. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, "You look great!" He looks around - there's nobody near him. He hears the voice again, "No really, you look terrific."

The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears, "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you are absolutely glowing!" He then realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar.

"Hey," the guy calls to the bartender, "What's with the nuts?"

"Oh," the bartender answers, "They're complimentary."

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"Your Honor, my wife is just being ridiculous. Most women would love to have a husband who still believes in chivalry and I was only opening the door for her out of chivalry."

"Mr. Smith," replied the judge, "I am granting the divorce. I cannot believe chivalry was your motivation while driving 65
MPH."

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A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him,
"Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."

"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."

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Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is.

"Mmmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," is the reply.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Mmmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," the successful fisherman repeats.

"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The other man spits something into his hand and says very clearly, "I said, 'You've got to keep your worms warm.' "

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An old man on his deathbed implored his wife, "When I am gone I want you to marry Fred Uhland."

"Why Fred Uhland?" his wife asked. "You have hated him all of your life!"

"Still do," gasped the old man.

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Though the walls of our apartment complex aren't particularly thin, the floors and ceilings act as amplifiers. One night, several months ago, my wife and I were lying in bed. Noticing the repeated constant sound of a bed scooting along the floor and a headboard banging against a wall, we became aware that the occupants of the bedroom directly were doing more than tossing and turning in their sleep. This went on for some time. Later we described the event to our friends.

US: "For the first five minutes, it was funny and kind of embarrassing that we could hear them so well. "After about ten minutes, it became really annoying. "After fifteen minutes, it was getting very frustrating because it was keeping us from going to sleep..."

FRIENDS: "And then?"

US: "And then after twenty straight minutes...Okay, after twenty minutes it was pretty damn impressive."

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A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial.

"Jury trial," he replied.

"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.

"Sure," replied the defendant. "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."

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A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter says, "Hey little partner, what are you doing?" The little boy says, "I'm pretending to be a fireman, and this is my fire truck." The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That's sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration. "Thanks mister," the boy says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar, and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." The little boy says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

If you rightfully own any of the material on this page, i.e. you have the copyright for a picture or think the joke was thought up by yourself then may I just say, well done. I only pick the best, of the best, of the best, SIR, sorry too much MIB. I hope you don't mind me using these little things, not to worry, if you do they will be down and out of sight soon anyway. Thanks for the use of the material.