Now this one is as good a one to start of on as any of the others.  The frantic dancer will always be up dancing until the owner of the particular fool (usually the girl friend or worse still the mother) comes and drags him off the floor for making a fool of himself and embarrassing the family.  The average frantic dancer starts off by running at the dance floor and starts ripping his dinner jacket off and firing it at another table, full of drink's of course.  That particular part always gets the atmosphere up and going, but there is worse to come.  Now everyone loves the frantic dancer for the pure and simple reason that he’s funny, not intentionally but you will always find someone plying him with a drink every now and again just to keep it going, BAD IDEA.  After a while his co ordination really just goes walk about, and the fist dancer is created.

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 Now the fist dancer originally started off as the frantic dancer and slowly but surely evolved, with the help of a few well timed shots of vodka (they always drink vodka) into the fist dancer.  Now you will always get the fist dancer but some are slow to start, so watch out coming to the end of the night.  The fist dancer begins by starting to move is whole body back and forth in what he thinks is a smooth rhythm, in reality he’s actually falling around the dance floor.  The fist dancer is a strange one in that when he starts out on the dance floor he will try to conceal the fact that his arms are by now all over the place, it doesn’t work, this is the beginning of the fist dancer.  The fist dancer will start by punching the air but not too high, that’s what I mean by trying to conceal it, it doesn’t last for long, and the next thing you know he’s thrusting his fists into the air as fast as he can.  The one real big disappointment about the fist dancer is that he comes to a sorry end, the fist dancer can only go on for so long, basically until he loses balance and falls in a heap on the floor and so ends the life of a fist dancer.  Notice it was “HE” throughout this paragraph, that’s because no women is stupid enough to even try the fist dancer character on for size, she knows it’s just not going to work and even if she tries, the life span of a female fist dancer is only half a song.

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 Now we come to the persistent dancer or better known as the pissed dancer.  The persistent dancer will have a slow start at the beginning of the night but as soon as you get them going they are impossible to get off the dance floor, even when the lights go on and the bouncers are shouting “Right folks, move it on”.   The persistent dancer will by the end of the second song have a communication line established between the bar and wherever they are dancing, either that or they have found so poor imbecile to walk back and forwards to the bar for them.  Pissed but still trying to dance the persistent dancer will never give in, they will start to dance with the bouncers before leaving the nightclub.  The persistent dancer may even get angry at the end of the night and start shouting at the DJ, as of course it is all his or her fault, they turned off the music and the lights back on.   However, they may end up just walking out in a sulk and not speaking to anyone, which can be seen as a good point.

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 Now here is truly a sad case of affairs, “Little Miss Lonely”.  Little miss lonely is a girl with a lot of problems, in that her self esteem is very low and quite frankly is desperate for a man, “any man god damn it, just a man”, ah sorry, ya, you know what I mean. Little miss lonely from the very start of the night walks around with a few of her friends which she came along with, which is fine until her friends start to meet other people and want to get rid of her, then the fun begins.  The little miss lonely girl will then start to dance on her own in the dace floor or with another crowd which she sort of knows, hoping to meet a male and not look like a complete Prat, she fails. Little miss lonely will be up for every song, with a great big smile on her face even though you can tell she wants to go kill her friends, by the end of the night she will be sitting outside on her own crying usually on the front door step.  Now here is where we have a happy ending, well sort of, well it could be, well it depends on what happens next and what kind of people are at the wedding reception actually.  The unhappy ending first I think, she will be sitting outside when a old drunk will come up to her and start perverting over her, which will really start her crying and then she will run off shouting.  The happy ending, she will be sitting outside when a young concerned man (Ya as if they exist I here you say) comes up to her to see if she is okay.  Now at this point little miss lonely will start going on about the fact that no one loves her anymore, this is usually a pissed persons tactic so all males will try to take advantage, it works of course.  Before you know it Little Miss Lonely is going with the concerned young man (Ya right, do you think I’m being too cynical) and everyone lives happily ever after, that is until the next morning when she can’t remember his name or where he said he was from.   After that she starts to cry again, by this time I really think she should give up.

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This is a fine example of a Neanderthal. I just don't understand this specimen, he knows what's he's doing even at the beginning of the night. Alcohol to this man just keeps the act going when he gets bored half way through the night. Okay, let get down to business, Mr Macho will dance on the dance floor all night, relentlessly, only resting so as to get a little drink and boast to his friends. Mr Macho is the type of person who you will find in the gym most nights of the week and finish off the night with a few rounds with the rest of the bouncers he knows; yes more often than not he is also a bouncer. This is where the press-ups come in, the press-ups start on the dance floor and are a flawed and futile attempt to impress a near by underage girl. Mr macho will continue this throughout the night but he will start off by aiming this display of primal manhood at the women his own age. As it nears the end of the night the standards (if you wish to attribute him with standards) have dropped, he just doesn't care by this stage. At this stage you will tend to turn away and not watch any more of the display, it's a wise move due to the fact that by this stage the mother of the young girl has seen what's happening and is about to slap him. Mr macho ends the night after falling down, either at the hand of the drink or of the mother of the young girl, this is where we say goodbye to Mr Macho, he is now dragged home by his bouncer friends.
 

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The bar at any wedding reception can be a dangerous place to visit even once as there will undoubtedly be at least one of the lesser spotted Mr "Right boy". Now that is not to say that there will be no more than one, actually there usually are in the region of 5 or 6 Mr "Right boy's" standing at the bar at the wedding reception which can cause problems when there are more than one bar at the function.

All "Right boy's" stand beside the bar all night with a constant flow of whisky. No matter who the person may be, you may have met at a previous wedding or you may not have been in the same room before but Mr "Right Boy" will always greet another drinker or a member of bar staff with "Right boy". For that matter anyone stupid to even come close enough for him to put a hand on your shoulder. That's what all Mr "Right boy's" do, they always start by reaching for you and grabbing you with too much strength by the shoulder and this is where the real fun begins, as he will always follow it on with "How's she hanging boy". Mr "Right boy" is what you could call a little simple but we are in luck, Mr "Right boy" will only be found at certain types of weddings.

Mr "Right boy" will start talking to you not about farm equipment like you may think but about his car out side about how powerful it is and how fast he once went when racing "some fella in a nova down the motorway". Yes Mr "Right boy" is a "Little Boy racer" in real life. Don't be too disturbed if he also starts to make car engine noses at different stages of the conversation, he is merely demonstrating what the car sounds like when he, as he says "Put ma foot ta the floor". Most of the conversation may well be unintelligible but just let all of this flow over you, just make sure to nod and agree every now and again. Mr "Right boy" can become easily upset if you ignore his laugh or disagree with a statement about his car so just agree and then only after fifteen minutes try to escape to another group of people, away from the bar that is. Beware of this people, you only get one chance at freedom when he starts talking.

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I really do think these women have a concealed counter or notepad and pen to take note of the progress through the night. These are the young single eligible women of the wedding, well not always. They usually start the night out by themselves or with a friend but through the course of the night they tend to group and have a little fun, from time to time a single participant will break away and close in one poor unfortunate person. It get nasty when two will attack the one person, there is never any rivalry but they actually work together, they then take turns on the score. Okay the rules of the game is as follows each of these abominations will collect a ties from the men (Victim) they have got a kiss off, simple single kiss counts for a hit, the tie is simply the proof.

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Mr Sure, you look the age

A bit of a long title I know but it's the only title that fit's this character. The basics behind Mr "Sure" lets just leave it "Mr Sure" is as follows. Mr "Sure" likes to be the "Buddy" of all the kids at the wedding, he may even try his hand at some the young men's slang. This is surely where he makes his first big mistake, unless you know what you're talking about you keep quiet otherwise it can be embarrassing, and that's true throughout life. Mr Sure also tries getting all 14 year olds at the wedding drunk but especially if he's their uncle. Hell this man just can't stop himself, it's his duty after all, it's a tradition handed down from his own uncle to make sure everybody has some fun.

This is also the same person that by the end of the night is getting numerous dirty looks from all the parents at the wedding reception. He didn't know they where to drink coke only, sure they looked old enough. As far as this man is concerned, it's his job to see the young un's are happy, even if it means getting the 12 year old intoxicated that by the end of the night they have taught themselves to do the fire eating trick with Smirnoff.

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2 Fanta's, 1 7UP and a Mountain Jew Right so that's four cokes then. For some unearthly reason Mr Coke is unable to remember what the real order was, Mr coke tries his best, but you must understand he really does have the attention span of a Goldfish. Mr Coke is the generous uncle that always offers to buy you a drink but when it comes to actually remembering what it was everyone wanted, it's gone. Mr coke is also the same person that will buy you a coke even though you're old enough to drink and already have a pint in front of you. Mr Coke really is the light-hearted version of Mr "Sure".

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It really is a man’s world, no I’m not trying to be sexist, but really, out of all of the wedding party crew the majority are male.